In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
