Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
