then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
