isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
