Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
