but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
