I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
