lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
