its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
