Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
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