I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
