she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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