you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
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