I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
