he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I could make wine with my vomit
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
