addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Threesome in a minivan. New low
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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