when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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