The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
