Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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