When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I fill condoms, not promises.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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