If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
