I just made out with a guy for $7.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
