woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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