Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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