Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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