went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
