I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
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