it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
