babies were throwing up all over the place
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
