so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
