lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
