jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
