I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I supernannyed him into submission
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
