Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
