I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
