It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Randomize
