Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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