At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
