Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
