it wasn't lemon gatorade
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
