he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
