No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
