dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
