He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
