Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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