Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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