you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
im holly from the hills drunk
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
