the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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