i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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