I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
