I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
