I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
