She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
