Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
