dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
