We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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