so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
