The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
