There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i think my mom watched the whole time
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
