Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
