Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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