I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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