I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
