she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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