1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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