I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
