I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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