Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
