you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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