please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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