Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
