he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I think my nap took me to another dimension
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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