You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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