I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
