The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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