Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
